I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
