You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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