Reggie can tackle my bush.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
