is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
