At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize