I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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