Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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