these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
