dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
