4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
