booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
