Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
