She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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