someone get that fucking seahorse.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
