I just made out with a guy for $7.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
