Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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