dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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