So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
