You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
