swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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