alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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