Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize