its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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