i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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