i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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