Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
