he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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