Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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