i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
