remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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