I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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