Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
