remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
