I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
