I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she smelled like a LAN party
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
