my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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