Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
