Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize