she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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