Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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