K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
