I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize