I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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