Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's the barista slut.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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