these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
