is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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