I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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