I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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