the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
