Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
