i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
