Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
