dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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