Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
