I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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