Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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