Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
