I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize