I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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