they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mom said you looked used
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
