ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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