Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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