This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
