I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize