I accidentally had phone sex last night
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Your penis caused this!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
