wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize